eyes wide shut

Llama with lensesA peek into a recent conversation I had with my eye doctor...

Him: "So you have you been to a 3D movie lately?"

Me, matter-of-factly: "Yes."

Him: "And did it look different to you? Did you like it?"

Me again, a bit confused: "Yes, I mean, I think it was cool?"

Him: "Well next time don't bother paying for the glasses, you cannot see in 3D."

Well, I'll be damned. I had passed every vision test the past 25 odd years and never had an issue. Despite being labeled by my loving parents as a "clumsy" kiddo, I had never thought twice about my seeming lack of coordination or random tendency to face plant. But from now on I will blame all stair stumbles, toe stubs, and moments of lost balance on my lack of depth perception. Thanks doctor for the get out of jail free card!

The kicker? I also have a lazy eye #truelife. Who knew? Not me, my parents, or my Starbucks barista that I make eye contact with daily. Apparently most lazy eyes have a turn and are visually easy to diagnose. Mine has no turn, and has remained undiagnosed (and untreated) until now. So drum roll please for this laughably long list of "eye issues" ...

Farsightedness (left eye)

Nearsightedness  (right eye)

Astigmatism (both eyes)

Negligible depth perception (both eyes)

Amblyopia - the fancy way to say "lazy eye" (right side)

The prescription for yours truly? One contact. Singular. Of course my first inclination was to joke that I should get a blue lens so I could twin with Kate Bosworth à la Blue Crush. But I digress. This contact will (fingers crossed) help my brain to start using my right eye.

Said contact has become the nemesis of my morning routine. Thank the Lord I only have to put in one and not two like most other humans. It took me 25 minutes the first time to get the contact in, practicing in the optometrists office in front of two assistants. I assume this practicing is so I don't go home and poke my eye out while attempting this solo. However by the looks on the assistants faces, they might have done that for me if I took a minute longer.

Funny how I have made it this far in life and only used one eye. Watch out world, who knows what I will be capable of when I begin to see "normally"!